Friend’s tolerance is tested by tardiness

Dear Amy: I moved to a new city about a year ago.

I’ve made one really great friend here, but there’s a hitch.

“Sam” has been, without fail, late to everything we’ve ever planned. His tardiness ranges from one to three hours.

Recently, he and I were studying at his place and I got hungry, so I said, “I’m going to go to the grocery store next door, I’ll be back in five.”

I would have been back in five, except he wanted to join me. First, he had to change his contact lenses and fix his hair, and then he started telling me this story about his mom that I didn’t pay much attention to because I was annoyed.

About 10 more things and 25 minutes later, we finally left his place.

What makes everything worse is that he apologizes ALL the time — and he is aware that his tardiness is a problem.

I’ve been told I can be abrasive, and I’d really like to avoid conflict since he’s is one of my closest friends here.

Advice? — Annoyed! Dear Annoyed!: “Sam” has been Sam as long as you have been “Annoyed.” He is already aware of his behavior and its impact on you.

You two seem like a classic mismatch, but many great friendships thrive despite very different temperaments.

One perspective on this is that Sam was sent into your life to test your patience. Will you pass this test? (You seem to be working hard on it.)

You do need to decide on some commonsense boundaries, as well as a useful way of communicating those boundaries. Don’t act annoyed or judgmental, but do be honest with him about the impact of his behavior on you.

The amateur diagnostician in me believes that your friend might have ADHD.