Follower might be crossing the border

Dear Amy: I’ve been following a woman on Twitter for a few years now. I’ve always thought she was great, but lately, I’ve started to really like her. She’s fun, endearing, passionate, hilarious and beautiful!

We’ve never met, but I’ve occasionally messaged her ideas that are relevant to her interests, and sometimes she’ll politely respond with a “haha” or “lol.” Part of me thinks that if she was interested in me, she would have said more than those brief responses, and that I should stop bothering her.

I think about her all the time, but maybe this is one of those times where someone is infatuated with the idea? — Sad & Lonely in Illinois

Dear Sad & Lonely: Yes, you are infatuated with the idea of a person. I know this because speaking as someone with an active social media presence I know that the persona many of us projects on social media is a construction.

You are correct. If this woman were available and/or into you at all, she would respond more fully and expressively when you slide into her DMs. If she were interested, at the very least she would compose a complete sentence when responding to your contact.

I can’t characterize your private feelings, but you do seem to be approaching the border of “borderline creepy.” You’ve got a crush on someone you feel connected to, much as anyone might have a crush on a favorite writer, actor, musician or public figure. However, it is as unrequited as my crush on Ryan Gosling, and you need to understand and accept that. (Ryan? Call me.)

If you are ruminating excessively about this woman and it is interfering with other activities and relationships, then you should take steps to deliberately dial down your access to her postings. Repeated Twitter triggers reminding you of how awesome you believe she is don’t help.