New mate struggles to join pack

Dear Amy: Three months ago, I started dating a woman I’ve been very good friends with for two years.

She has a dog she adopted from a shelter 10 years ago.

We often take “Buster” for walks — he has incredible separation anxiety and barks when I try to hold or kiss my girlfriend.

She spends the night at my apartment two or three nights a week and has to bring him; he is up in bed with us. This makes me uncomfortable.

If he isn’t allowed up, he digs at the carpet and barks.

My girlfriend does nothing to discourage this behavior. I love spending time with her but I am very put off.

I explained to her that I don’t really want to kiss her after her dog has licked her mouth for three minutes.

I am at a loss for where to go from here. — Confounded by a Canine

Dear Confounded: “Buster” has been with your girlfriend for much longer than you have.

Because dogs are pack animals, they are hard-wired to never be alone. They are either with you, or are waiting for you to return. The way to train them to wait calmly is NOT to greet the “excited” behavior with human excitement, but to anticipate the behavior and create a new routine.

Buster needs to understand and respect that you are now part of the pack.

It would be wise for the three of you to visit a qualified animal behaviorist.

Counterconditioning might work over time: this is where you basically retrain your dog to associate the challenging situation with a good outcome. Do not punish him or force him into a crate. This will only compound his behavior.

The humans involved need to exhibit controlled, cool, calm, and firm but kind leadership. This is why observing how a human interacts with a dog reveals so much.