Wedding brings on in-law exclusion

Dear Amy: My niece’s brother-in-law, “Bradley,” will be getting married later this year.

My niece, “Kate,” is married to Bradley’s brother.

All of Bradley’s siblings and their spouses have been asked to be in the bridal party, except for Kate.

Kate included Julie in her wedding party.

How should Kate handle this?— SadAunt

Dear SadAunt: If every single sibling and spouse has been included in the wedding party, this exclusion does seem offkilter. However, the fact that Kate included “Julie” in her ownwedding does not obligate Julie to recipro-kate.

Ideally, Juliewould have anticipated this challenge and explained her decision toKate.

Kate might be able to tease out a gracious explanation by asking Julie, “I accept your decision not to ask me to be part of the wedding party, but I want tomake sure - are youand I OK?”

She should add, “Please, let me know if there is any way I can be helpful.”

Kate should attend this wedding, be a gracious guest, and have a good time.

Dear Amy: Responding to Red Faced, who worried about people bringing gifts to a “no gifts” party— onmy 80th birthday, my wife invited over 100 friends and relatives.

Knowing that most all of them would bring a gift , I asked them to bring a new unwrapped children’s toy.

The days after the party, I delivered all of the toys to our local children’s hospital (Children’s Hospital of Orange County).

They almost did not fit intomy van!

The hospital staff brought someof the childrendownto the lobby, and the kids were so excited.

This 80-year-old man was excited, too.— Gifted

Dear Gifted: I love your generous idea.