Relationship feels like a first draft

Dear Amy: I’m in my mid-20s. My boyfriend is in his late 20s.

We’ve been seeing other for 10 months.

He’s not very sensitive or romantic. I’ve told him multiple times that Iwanthimto be more romantic, but he says it’s just not howhe is.

He rarely initiates sex, because he says he likes when I do it.

He is really big on spending weekends with his friends. He’ll usually be gone all day with them.

He’s big on “giving other space.”

I knowthat he cares about me. He always checks in on me and calls me at least twice a day.

I see him multiple during the week and during theweekend.

Is this just a “take it, or leave it” situation? — Sensitive, orReasonable?

DearSensitive: Howwould you feel if your boyfriend told you multiple times that he wanted you to behave differently, and when you said, “That’s just not the way I am,” he responded that you-beingyou is just not good enough?

Loving, intimate, long-term relationships aren’t usually this much work. You should not be fighting about basic personal characteristics or personality traits.

At the 10-month mark, you would ideally be entering a great groove with each other, where you are recognizing and accepting one another’s differences, without insisting that your partner change elementally in order to please you. At the same time, youwould both endeavor to be “better” versions of yourself in order to be worthy of the relationship.

Whena relationship is really clicking, it feels like a happyevernot like a messy first draft.

Obviously, I’ve presented a series of “ideals.” This is not an indictment of either of you, but a reflection that you two might not be the best match. each each times twice