Cottage deep clean uncovers mess

Dear Amy: I have been with my partner for six years. We are both 30. We livetogetherandownasmall cottage together outside of the city.

His parents are very kind people, but they don’t seem to want to allow my partner to growup and be independent.

The most recent, and so far most aggravating aspect of this is that his parents were supposed to stay at our cottage over a longweekend. Instead of relaxing and enjoying themselves as they promised, they secretly went just to do a deep clean.

I felt guilty for the work they did.

This may seem like a dreamto others, but to me, it is just another way which I feel my partner has shirked his responsibilities and failed to growup!

Currently, we have a leaking faucet. Our own plumber said thatwe could do this on our own pretty easily.

I would like us to work together to fix it, but he just wants to call up his parents to have them come and take care of it.

How can I approach this situation, without sounding selfish and ungrateful?— Independent

Dear Independent: For many people, doing little jobs around a cottage is as restful and relaxed as they can handle.

You seem to see this as an indictment of your partner and his parents; I see this as a boundary issue which you can address.

If you believe that fixing a leaky faucet on your own is a sign of adulthood, then fix it. There are plenty of YouTube videos available to demonstrate basic home repair. It is a one-person job, so get started.

In many families, “acts of service” are how family members express their love. Letting these people be useful at things they are good at might be a kindness to them. But you get to set the boundaries.