Fish for a blended relationship

Dear Amy: My girlfriend and I have a 3-year-old son.

We both have other children.

Both my 22-year-old son and my father live in different parts ofTexas.

Today, I shared with my girlfriend the following: “I’ve been thinking about taking a fishing trip with me, my dad andmy son.”

Her response was, “And you completely just showed that you aren’t thinking of the other boys, which is sad. It seems like you don’t view my kids as like your own.”

I didn’t think of it that way. What do you think? — Fishing for an Answer

Dear Fishing: It is challenging toblend various sets of children. There is no perfect way to do this, and certainly in the earlier years of a newer relationship, some parents and their biological children will continue to spend some exclusive time together.

I am in favor of this sort of relationship-keeping between parents and their children, as long as there is also relationshipbetween stepparents and the children their partners bring into the relationship.

This has upset your partner. Does she view your 22-year-old son as her own? I’m guessing not because he doesn’t live nearby, and he’s an adult. But claiming this important kinship runs bothways, as you should remind her.

In addition to advocating for her kids to have a close relationship with you, it’s possible that she feels left behind, as you make plans that don’t include her and your young son.

Building a relationship with stepchildren takes time, effort, and patience. Show her that you are willing to put in the time and effort to continue to build a healthy and positive relationship with them. In my opinion, this should not preclude an annual fishing trip, which, in time, your younger son (and perhaps stepchildren) could join.