A downsized THANKSGIVING
Go big on taste by stuffing, roasting a succulent turkey breast
How to butterfly a turkey breast
Place a large sheet ofplastic wrap on a cutting board and set turkey breast on it with skin side up and bone side down. Starting fromthe thicker side, slice lengthwise, parallel to the cutting board, cutting through the center of the breast all the way towithin a couple inches of the other side. Open breast like a book so the top half (skin side) is nowdownagainst the cutting board. Lay another piece ofplastic over the whole breast, then pound with ameat mallet or rolling pin to achieve a relatively even thickness.
I’m sure the Germans have aword for it. Something like “Gerstelugenfechten.” You know what I’m talking about: that guilty relief you feel fromhaving been absolved, by virtue of an unrelated catastrophic event, of an obligation you’re supposed to enjoy but reallywouldn’t. Like, say, when you’re slated to cook for a whole heap of people but nowyou can’t because there’s a pandemic and nobody’s coming over? Total Gerstelugenfechten, amirite?
Still, we’ve got to eat. Andjust becauseAuntPoot andUncle Fudd’ll be dining intheir own hermetically sealed Steri-pods instead of dodging the ’Rona on theirway to your place, Thanksgiving’s still going to happen, like it ornot. So let’s cook a little turkey. Emphasis on “a little.”
Whyyou need to learn this
Over the river and through the woods, to grandmother’s house we’ll ... OK, not her house. Her front yard, wherewe’llwave through her frontwindow, faux cheer spilling icily fromour rictus-plastered faces, before heading back through thewoods and then back over that dang river again. Because even though you’d literallywrestle a beaver for just one bite of grandma’s stuffing, you’re not about to be
Covid Cathy. Nope. You’re going to stayhomeand cook something delicious for that close-knit crew you’ve been isolatingwith.
The steps you take
First, I totally understand if — as the fear of societal collapse engulfs you— you’re inclined to disregard the holidays altogether. I get it. I, myself, amnearly ready to plotz.
Still, you could at least give