New mom needs respite, empathy

Dear Amy: My husband and I have a seven-monthold baby.

My husband has never been a sympathetic person. I have always accepted this about him. However, now with the baby I find myself needing more emotional support than he can giveme.

The long nights with a nursing and poorly sleeping baby have left me feeling exhausted.

Whenever I broach the subject, he tells me that he works so I can be home (I work too, but fewer hours and from home), and that he doesn’t feel bad for me because he has a long commute.

How can I either talk to him, or find another outlet to get the support I can’t get fromhim?— NewMama

DearNewMama: You need immediate and caring support, and other moms are often very good at offering it. Do everything possible to get together with other parents (safely) in person or online . Other parents can observe you and your baby and give both of you lots of positive attention and love.

You also need some respite, someonewhocan be with your baby while you take a nap, take a walk, or get a haircut. These small things are the essence of “self-care” when you have a baby at home. Obviously, the pandemic has complicated the process of bringing another individual into your household.

Normally, I would suggest that your husband watch your baby, solo, for several hours during aweekendday (because the best way to understand what a full-time mom goes throughis to experience abit of it, yourself ), but given his extreme limitations, this might not be the wisest course.

I assume that he might be modeling attitudes and behavior he experienced in his own householdgrowingup, andone way to talk to him about your needs might be to ask him about his own parents’ attitudes aboutwork and family.