Friends with benefits might have a love match

Dear Amy: I am a 26-yearold woman in a “friends with benefits” relationship with “Paul” (age 28).

Paul and I had agreed on casual sex and a no-strings-attached formula, but it seems like I have fallen for him.

He is the man I had always imagined my partner to be.

I think he also has feelings for me, but maybe he is too scared to tell me.

He often talks about how much he likes me and at the same time brings up his other love interests. This puts me in a very confused state.

How do I know if this man really loves me? — Confused

Dear Confused: Your question illustrates the idea that expressing honesty and emotional intimacy seems to be more challenging than tolerating the uncertainty.

If you are bold enough, you could undertake the important developmental experience of jumping off the emotional cliff by simply telling the truth. After doing so, you will inspire either a delightful and surprising expression of same, an upsetting (but brief ) confession that your feelings are not reciprocated, or an expression of a muddled in-between where he tells you that he just doesn’t know how he feels.

Telling the truth about your own emotions is lovely and liberating, as long as you understand fully that cannot control the outcome.

No matter what Paul says, pay attention to what he does. Because sex does not automatically translate into love, you should observe whether he wants to spend time with you doing non-sexual things: Walks, talks, coffee dates and watching movies. If he doesn’t choose non-sexual friendship and companionship, then you have your answer.