Positive Penny confused by Negative Nancy

Dear Amy: I’ve known “Sandy” for 20 years. She lives on the West Coast and I now live on the East Coast.

I supported Sandy when she was being treated for cancer. I’ve sent her cards, letters and flowers when she was depressed about being sick and losing her hair. I’ve sent her suggestions for good movies and shows to watch.

Whenever I phone her, she won’t answer the phone but will send me an email or text. Sandy has recovered. Lately, during the pandemic, I’ve noticed that she ignores any positive information I send her. There is just no response. I’m of the opinion that friends should be happy for their friends, and good news is fun to share!

If I send Sandy bad news, she’s all over it. She responded to news that our house was broken into. She responded when I told her my laundry room was flooded.

All she likes to hear is bad news. Why is this? How do I deal with a negative Nancy? — Upbeat

Dear Upbeat: She might be less of a Negative Nancy if you were a little less of a Positive Penny.

Your impulse is to always try to raise Sandy’s spirts by being upbeat. But sometimes they don’t want to be jollied out of it. They want a little understanding. Commiseration. A little, “Grrrrrrr. That sucks!”

So yes, your upbeat messages about the wonderful work you are doing leave her cold, probably because she can’t do these things herself.

But when bad things happen, Sandy is identifying with you. She is saying, “Grrrr. That sucks!”

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