Unhappy husband seeks to heal heartache

Dear Amy: I’ve been married for 30 years. Most of this time, I’ve been unhappy.

I’ve experienced love in the past. Before my marriage I had my heart broken twice.

I just could not allow myself to go through that pain again. Therefore, I married a woman who was a good person, knowing that if she ever left, my heart would not be broken.

This has caused me to have a number of affairs. I’m not proud of that.

The biggest reason I never left my wife was that I could not bear the thought of not seeing my young kids daily (who are now adults), and also the financial struggles divorce would bring.

I now struggle with a different heartache and ask myself — is this the way I want to spend my remaining years? — Unhappy Husband

Dear Unhappy: It is hard to feel sorry for you, the heartsore man who deliberately chose to marry a very nice woman you’ve never loved, because you were so afraid of being hurt.

And yet, I do feel compassion for you. I can imagine that at this point in your life, you might look back and recognize how very cowardly some of your choices have been.

I think, too, of your wife. You don’t have much to say about her, which reveals how sidelined she is.

You are sidelined, too. You seem to have lost track of your emotional core.

No, I don’t think this is the way you want to spend your remaining years.

You would definitely benefit from therapy with a therapist who specializes in working with men in mid-life.

Submit letters to askamy@ amydickinson.com or to “Ask Amy” P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.