Sister wants to weigh in about sister’s obesity

Dear Amy: My sister has become clinically obese.

This seems to have accelerated after her hysterectomy.

Iit is clear that her sugar fixation is a super-contributor.

We have no family history of overweight individuals.

I saw her for our father’s 90th drive-by birthday.

I am genuinely concerned for her health. I admit I am mortified by her appearance.

How do I go about addressing my concern with her?

Should I reach out to her “slim” husband first?

I want to help her! — Concerned

Dear Concerned: I don’t think you are capable of positively influencing or helping your sister.

Someone exuding your extreme and judgmental “fixit” energy will likely send a loved-one hurtling straight into her pathology. (Reading your question made me want to dive into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.)

No, do NOT contact your sister’s “slim” husband in order to discuss your sister’s weight with him. That is extremely disrespectful.

And although you have diagnosed your sister’s sugar fixation as being the problem - beyond food choices, obesity often also has an emotional component that will not respond to dieting advice.

The very best way for you to behave toward her is to be loving, nonjudgmental, and emotionally supportive - without telling her what to do.

You can ask her about her health. You can ask her about her stress. But then you must listen to what she says without leaping in with solutions. If she brings up her weight you can ask, “Has your doctor suggested seeing a nutritionist?” And that’s it.