Cancer treatment brings on odd requests

Dear Amy: I’m undergoing treatment for breast cancer. People have had some very odd reactions to the baldness. I am seeking an explanation. I find it strange that friends have asked to see me bald.

Those who see me in person ask me to take off my hat.

Others ask me to send them a picture.

My very quick response to them is, “Absolutely not!”

They react with stunned confusion: “Why not?”

Amy, do I really need to explain that?

I don’t think anyone losing hair to chemo should ever be ashamed. I have no issues with those that chose to show it.

I am very private. I don’t want any public disclosures about my illness.

I’m hoping you can shed light on this. — Confused

Dear Confused: I agree with how you are handling this..

You might find out more by asking people why they are interested.

We’ve all seen articles or depictions on movies where women reveal their dramatic chemo-related hair loss.

My instinct is that on a deep level people are trying to basically force you into what they believe will be a dramatic “reveal,” - in order to respond by comforting you. Their intentions are to reassure you.

In doing so, they will make themselves feel better about what you are going through.

My theory is that this is the moment friends are trying to provoke. They are willing to make you uncomfortable in order to try to comfort you.

You have the right - and the responsibility - to handle this phase of your treatment however you want to. That includes refusing to be shoehorned into somebody else’s storyline.