Daughter worries about dad’s behavior

Dear Amy: My parents are in their late-50s. They live nearby. Their marriage has been rocky . They seem to stay together for financial reasons.

My husband and I have been very strict about contact since the pandemic, especially because we had a new baby.

My mom helps out by providing childcare.

She is extra careful.

The problem is my father thinks COVID is a joke. He won’t social-distance or wear masks unless he is forced to.

He shows no concern for those around him.

We stay away, but I’m worried for my mom’s health!

She wears a mask whenever she’s with me or the baby, and sometimes in her own home.

I’ve begged her to come stay, but she doesn’t want to let him feel like he “won” the house.

What can I do to deal? — Very Concerned Daughter

Dear Daughter: You cannot control your father. Your leverage is access to your baby, and he doesn’t seem interested.

If your mother is extremely concerned about her (and your) health, and yet won’t live with you because she doesn’t want your dad to “win the house,” then I’d say her health concerns aren’t paramount.

If she is worried about her legal rights to the marital property, it would be wisest for her to consult with a lawyer.

The good news is, your parents likely keep their distance from each other. All of you should continue to guard your own health.

If you truly believe that your mother is placing her own health at enhanced risk by living with your father, you should not ask her to come into your home until she can receive a vaccine.

Worrying does not help. Mitigating your risks does.