Funeral mix-up creates family break
Dear Amy: My father passed away, and I was responsible for planning the funeral.
In order to minimize risk, we chose to hold a church service and a graveside service.
Due to a mix-up with the time for the graveside service, several people who did not feel comfortable going into church — including our child — missed it.
Our adult child is blaming us and will not return calls, emails, texts, etc.
I am grieving my father and also the loss of a relationship with our child and their family.
We just want to have communication, and to be allowed to see our preteen grandchildren and our child. Please help. — Grieving Dear Grieving: If there are things you wish you had done differently regarding the arrangements, you should take responsibility, apologize, and affirm your child’s hurt.
You should also do some deep personal searching to see if there are additional incidents that might be lurking.
After you do your own personal inventory, you may conclude that your adult child’s current behavior is extreme and disproportionate.
That’s when you should soften. Every time you nudge and push, another brick goes into the wall.
They must work through their feelings. Punishing you does not help them, but they don’t seem to know that, yet.
Assume that you do not know the half of what your child has been experiencing during this pandemic year (nor do they know or understand the enormity of what you’ve been through).
Make sure they know that you are willing to communicate about this. And then let it lie. Don’t give up on this relationship but do be very patient.