Spouse doesn’t want to whine about wine

Dear Amy: I am married to a wonderful and generous man.

We have a very good marriage. We’ve never had a real argument or nagged.

I am worried about his weight, however.

He had lost a lot of weight, but now he’s regaining it.

This is because he has a glass of wine just before bed.

I don’t mind his daily glass of wine, but I wish he’d have it at dinnertime so that his body has time to process it.

How do I kindly ask him to forego it without sounding like a nag? — Worried

Dear Worried: If your husband’s nightly glass of wine makes him surly or uncommunicative, or interferes with sleep, your shared intimacy or sex life, then you get to bring it up.

In short, if his night-wine affects YOU, then you should initiate a conversation about it.

If his glass of wine at bedtime doesn’t directly affect you (and it doesn’t seem to), then you should keep your thoughts to yourself.

In my opinion, your basic assumption is off-kilter. More likely, his weight gain is the result of a dozen little and large choices he makes throughout the day, not the timing of his nightly drink.

Furthermore, if he has struggled with his weight and has managed to successfully reduce, then he knows the basic rules of weight-loss.

If you want to continue to support his weight loss, you should ask him, “What’s the best way I can support you as you work toward your goals?”

I hope he answers, “Just continue loving me, just as I am.”

I’ll offer an (unsolicited) opinion on how to have a happy marriage: Learn to fight. Learn to forgive. And try mightily to love one another through thick and thicker.