Wife wants husband to stop being nosy

Dear Amy: My husband is taking a company “buyout” this summer, thus retiring.

The concern I have is that he is nosy! He has done things that have upset me and my children (he is their stepdad).

He seems to think he is entitled to go through their rooms, under the guise of cleaning.

While helping my daughter’s boyfriend, I caught him going through a box of papers in the car. I told him that these things were none of his business and his reply was, “It is if I make it my business.”

My kids have given us no cause to go through rooms.

My daughter has graduated from college and is heading toward graduate school.

My son (who will be 21) works and lives with us.

My son doesn’t clean the way he likes, so he uses that as an excuse to go into his room.

I’m concerned that when he’s retired and at home, he’s going to be going through things he has no right to.

I know that if I confront him with this worry, he’ll get angry.

Any suggestions? — Pre-Retirement Jitters Wife

Dear Jitters: Evidently, there isn’t any way for you to advocate for your children’s very reasonable right to privacy without your husband becoming angry, so let him be angry.

I can’t think of any loving spouse who enjoys confronting their partner, but if you are too afraid of your husband’s anger to address his habit, then this is a real red flag.

This person sounds like a bully who believes he can make anything “his business,” and who rules the roost.

An option for your son would be for him to search for other housing. You should urge him to store anything personal or private off-site.

Every time you witness your husband violating privacy, you should call him on it.