Angry granny needs more balance
Good advice for all: Avoid hand contact
Dear Amy: My wife and I married a little later in life and only had one child, a daughter.
Our wish for a grandchild came true when our daughter had a baby boy over a year ago.
We are very excited and love spending as much time with him as we can.
They will occasionally ask us to babysit, and we say yes.
However, over the past six to nine months, my wife has become irritated when she doesn’t see our grandson as much as she would like.
She wants pictures/videos sent to her on a daily basis. She wants to go to their house two to three times a week (unannounced), and then wants them to come to our house at least once during the week and at least once on the weekends.
She also gets upset when they take him to his other grandparent’s house.
Our daughter has no idea that my wife gets so angry.
I tried to explain that they have their own lives to lead, but she says I don’t love our grandson the way she does.
I’m not sure how to make her understand that this baby isn’t our son and that the kids aren’t trying to withhold him from us.
What do you make of this? — Proud Grampa
Dear Proud: In my opinion, loving the way she loves is not the healthy standard for a grandparent relationship.
Her demands regarding this baby seem less about love and more about control.
Her expectations show a lack of perspective and are not respectful of the parents.
She could end up creating a toxic dynamic that will damage her relationships.
I believe that your wife could use some professional help to recognize and learn to regulate her own emotions. I hope you will encourage her to see a counselor.
Dear Dr. Roach: My sister was diagnosed with an IgA deficiency, which is an autoimmune disorder. She was told by her doctor to avoid crowds and to never shake hands. My sister is a major event organizer and was unable to quit her job, so she developed a practice of bumping elbows. She noticed she wasn’t getting sick. Can you explain what an IgA deficiency is, and why shaking is an issue? — J.S.B.
Dear J.S.B.: IgA deficiency is an immune disorder, and the most common primary antibody defect. There are five types of antibodies, also called immunoglobulins(Ig): IgG, IgM, IgA, IgE and IgD. Each has a role. IgA is found in secretions, so people with IgA deficiencies may be more prone to develop infections.
The majority of people with IgA deficiency do NOT need to quit their jobs, and live normal lives. Most are asymptomatic. If a person with IgA deficiency develops symptoms, it can be recurrent sinus or lung infections; a parasite that can cause diarrhea, or other infections; and allergies.
Although IgA deficiency is not an autoimmune disorder (it’s an immunodeficiency), people with IgA deficiency can develop autoimmune disorders. This is thought to be due to other disorders of the immune system.
Hand contact is a MAJOR way of acquiring viruses and bacteria. In your sister’s case, not getting exposed to so many germs had a big impact. I think many may find this year of masks and social distancing has reduced infectious illnesses, and I wonder how people will react next cold and flu season. I suspect many people will want to return to “normal,” but others will choose to continue mask-wearing and avoiding handshaking.