Dad seeks advice on event invitations

Medical options for breathing problem

DearAmy: My ex-wife and I have two beautiful, welladjusted daughters, both in graduate school.

The girls were in middle school when we separated and I began a long-distance relationship, going strong nowfor several years.

My ex and I are now civil and occasionally friendly toward one another. She has always been a great mom.

Although my girlfriend is the love of my life, in some circles I suspect she is still considered “the home wrecker.”

Iwas slowto introduce her to my daughters, but they gradually got to know and like her. I understand that my daughters’ wishes take precedenceandmyconcerns are secondary, but is it reasonable to assume that both my girlfriend and Iwould be invited to events? Should I discuss this with my daughters?— ConcernedDad Dear Concerned:

You are overthinking this by a mile.

If this woman moves to your town, moves in with you and becomes your life partner, then she should be included in all family events to which you are invited.

Your daughters should not exclude her, and I suspect that this exclusion might not occur to them unless you introduced the concept.

In advance of this big move, you should call your ex-wife to say to her, “I realize these last few years have occasionally been tough for you and I think you’ve done an amazing job. Thank you for that. I want to let you knowthat ‘Laura’ is going to move here soon. We’re planning to live together and I wanted you to hear this from me before you heard it from anyone else.”

In the course of your conversation, you should ask for her advice and help with how to tell the girls. She may be helpful in this regard. If not, you’ll just have to be straightforward and mature about it. This is your life.