Sun Sentinel Palm Beach Edition
Dear Santa, here’s our Christmas list
Dear Santa, It’s us, South Florida. You know, the lush populous region in the lower half of your favorite U.S. state.
Every holiday season, people send you their wish lists, so we figured we should do the same. After all, we have not been too naughty (nooo siree.) We’ve been nice. Muy nice.
We know some of these requests are TALL orders, but if anyone can make them come true, it’s you, Old Saint Nick.
P.S. Before you leave the North Pole, make sure to pack some sunscreen. It’s been toasty down here this winter.
South Florida’s wish list
1. It’s a good thing you have a magical sleigh, because you wouldn’t find
parking down here. We could sure use more spaces, parking lots, garages, you name it. If you don’t believe us, try landing on Las Olas Boulevard on a Saturday night. Good luck.
2. Speaking of parking, if we had better mass transit, we wouldn’t need so many spaces. Metrosnail — we mean, Metrorail — doesn’t connect to Miami Beach. If you miss a bus, you may have to wait 45 minutes for another one. And the Brightline high-speed rail system feels like it’s still at least a light year away.
3. When motorists aren’t trying to park, it seems they’re crashing into homes, pools ... (fill in the blank). Almost daily. Any way to improve our bad drivers?
4. And while you’re at it, can you do something about Interstate 95?
5. Please, can you reduce our high STD rate? Those syphilis-on-the-rise billboards and HIV prevention bus ads bombard our senses.
6. Our sports teams could use help, too. They are hit-or-miss with their wins, although the Dolphins have been performing better lately. How nice it would be to see our teams shine consistently, even if that means you have to roll up your redand-white sleeves and pitch for the Marlins.
7. Oh, wait, David Beckham just asked if you can magically pave the way for him to secure a Miami site for his proposed major soccer team. If you could make soccer work in South Florida, that would really be a holiday miracle.
8. Can you relocate our ever-growing population of pythons to the North Pole? They’ve overtaken the Everglades like the reptiles in the 2006 movie, “Snakes on a Plane.” They’re gorging on our bunnies, deer, gators — and who knows what else.
9. Please send us some new TV shows. We’re desperate. We just lost HBO’s “Ballers” to California, and Netflix’s “Bloodline” is filming its last season in the Keys. How about “The Real Elves of SoFlo”?
10. Finally: Any chance we could get a go-to-South-Florida-celebrity besides Pitbull? We’re asking for a million reasons.