Sun Sentinel Palm Beach Edition
Black-tie, white-tie fundamentals
Dear Miss Manners: Is it acceptable to wear a white tie and waistcoat with a conventional tuxedo? Or must they only be worn with a tailcoat?
Gentle Reader: A fundamental misunderstanding about a gentleman’s evening clothes, for which Miss Manners blames movie stars, is that they should display the creativity of the wearer.
Wrong. That’s for ladies. Gentlemen should rather be noted for their correctness and tailoring. And the correct tie and optional waistcoat that go with the tuxedo are black, which is why it is properly called “black tie;” while for “white tie,” which features the tailcoat, the tie and waistcoat are white.
Dear Miss Manners: I know someone in the late stage of terminal illness. This person received one of those colorful, lovely animated email greeting cards from a close family member. The e-card wished them the “Best New Year for 2017.”
The recipient was shocked that someone would send such a thing. Even if it was the result of carelessness to edit a mass mailing list, it seems a horrible breach of manners. The recipient was very hurt and said so.
Gentle Reader: In this situation, there is no time left for such misunderstandings. Perhaps the card sender thought of this as wishing for the best possible year under the circumstances.
But no matter. Please tell that person about the patient’s reaction, which you might gently characterize as a misinterpretation, so that amends can be made.
Dear Miss Manners: When I attended three funerals (unrelated to each other), I sent each family a sympathy card with a handwritten note immediately.
However, I noticed a basket at each funeral for people to place cards. Because I had sent cards at the time of death, a month before the services, should I have also brought a card to the funerals?
Gentle Reader: Well, it shouldn't be collecting a basket of cards as if they were valentines in an elementary school class. Sympathy is properly conveyed as you have already done, and presence at a funeral is noted in a guest book for attendees to sign.