Mr. Ambassador

What would the French think of Marlins owner?

It is an odd, foreheadslapping, can-you-believe-that report about White House plans. In other words, it’s like any other report these days, except that everyone — conservatives and liberals, pro-Trump and anti-Trump — can unite in rolling eyes together.

Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria is being considered as ambassador to France? What did the French do to deserve that? It’s one thing for our president to dismiss the prime minister of Australia or question the finances of NATO.

But send Loria to represent us to France?

Isn’t this a sliver of common ground to re-unite the country? And shouldn’t Bordeaux be warned about a possible stadium shakedown?

When the New York Post reported on Wednesday that Loria might be heading to France, I figured he was going into exile like any other third-rate dictator who stripped his native land of money. I figured Elba was full, too.

Instead, this is reportedly part of President Donald Trump’s plan to reward loyal donors to his cause. Loria donated $125,000 to Trump’s campaign. And the Kushners — yes, relatives of Trump’s sonin-law — are reportedly negotiating to buy Loria’s Marlins.

Yes, the grinding wheels of democracy and capitalism are a fascination to watch, especially when each is publicly funded by a community that is about to be crushed under them again.

That’s the fear, at least. The Marlins seem a bystander to all this. And will baseball Commissioner Rob Manfred protect them when President Trump’s handpicked French ambassador and his Kushner-in-laws simply want to transact some business? Can you imagine the presidential tweets?

That’s getting ahead of the pitch of course. Loria isn’t ambassador yet. The

Kushner-in-laws aren’t team owners yet. But if you wonder about the future of the Marlins, that’s because of the past of the Marlins.

Baseball stuck it to South Florida once by giving Loria the Marlins in a sweetheart deal just so Washington didn’t have to take him as an expansion owner. And what could happen now? You know what the French say: The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Loria reportedly isn’t in negotiation to sell the team to Jared Kushner, who is married to Ivanka Trump, who no longer shops at Nordstrom’s. The interested Kushners are Joshua (Charles’ son, Jared’s brother) and his brother-inlaw, Joshua Meyer.

There’s just one problem. They sound even poorer than the pre-publicly-funded-stadium Loria. They’re going to need further investors, according to the New York Times, if they get the team.

Again: Will Manfred protect the Marlins, if it comes to that?

Loria, of course, would be the big winner here. He invested $18 million to get a slice of the Montreal Expos. He leveraged into getting the Marlins for $158 million. He’s en route to selling the Marlins for possibly $1.6 billion.

And now he gets to play French ambassador?

There are two positive ways to look at Ambassador Loria. First, he’d be off the Marlins and out of the country, so he can’t do us any more wrong. Second, he’s working for the White House, so he’d be far down the list of potential land mines.

But the poor French. They gave us the Statue of Liberty. They brokered the Louisiana Purchase for the cost of a marginal shortstop. In return, we give them Jerry Lewis, McDonald’s and a potential ambassador who left baseball fans in two countries irate at him?

No, baseball doesn’t translate to the French. But how about food? Tell the land of truffles and foie gras that one of Loria’s in-game demands is that a cup of gumballs be brought to his seat every game. Maybe they’ll understand that.

As it is, the only sure thing about Loria’s potential move is it should unite a fractured America. South Floridians — Republicans and Democrats — joyfully anticipate saying “Bon voyage” to Loria.

Now we might have to ask what the French did to us to deserve Loria.

Dave Hyde