Atheist ponders role as ‘goshfather’

Dear Amy: I am a happily married man with two wonderful children (ages 6 and 8). Recently, a close friend and his wife (who are Catholic) asked me to be the godfather to their child.

I instantly reminded them that I am an atheist. My children weren’t baptized and my understanding is that a godparent is a religious mentor, indeed, in a recent column, you noted that a godparent provides a spiritual backdrop to a child’s life.

Although I am not Catholic, religious or spiritual, I would be delighted to be a mentor, close confidant, friend, uncle, etc., to the child.

If anything happened to my friend and his wife, assuming it was consistent with their wishes, my wife and I would happily provide for and love the child and raise it as our own, on equal footing with our children.

Nonetheless, in my head the question remains, is it appropriate for me to be a godfather? — Atheist Godfather

Dear Atheist: First there is this: Are you willing to participate in the church service during the child’s baptism, and swear in front of your friends, priests, and the congregation not only to renounce the devil (my favorite part) but to also uphold the tenants of the church?

The following is from Catholic Church canon regarding the role of godparents: A godparent will “help the baptized to lead a Christian life in harmony with baptism, and to fulfill faithfully the obligations connected with it.”

If you are not comfortable participating at this level, it would be most ethical to decline.

If you are comfortable participating in the baptism service and, occasionally, other church services, and if you feel able to fulfill this role for the child, then you should accept.

The second hurdle is the church itself. Christian churches differ regarding the godparent role and rite. But a Catholic priest might not be willing to administer this rite to a non-believer. Your friend should check with his priest.

If you are NOT comfortable fulfilling religious-oriented roles as godfather, thank your friend for this honor and gesture of trust. Ask if you can be given an alternate status as an honorary uncle.