Daughter’s turn to religion questioned

Dear Amy: My husband and I raised two great kids. Our son is now 30 and our daughter 28. Both of them finished college with honors and business degrees.

We are atheists, but at 18 our daughter starting dating a pastor’s son. His family and church started grooming her with their beliefs, so she would fit nicely into their family belief system and eventually marry.

After going off to college, that relationship ended, and she got serious with another pastor’s son. Again this fellow and his family groomed her to believe. Well, he dumped her. She quit her job, moved out west and joined an evangelical Christian group.

She pays them to live on their campus while they teach her about the Bible. She raises funds for them by asking others for money.

She has been leading this extreme religious life for three years now with no intention to quit and get a paying job. She has rejected our traditional life, and seldom visits.

We are very sad about her decisions. We worry for her safety and her future.

We grieve the loss of our beautiful daughter. Any suggestions on how to cope? — Atheist Mom and Dad

Dear Mom and Dad: Some religious groups operate as more or less closed systems, and their adherents turn away from their previous lives in order to operate within the system. I can understand why this is such a loss for you.

You should keep the door open to a relationship with your daughter, regardless of where she is or what she believes. You are going to need to continue to grieve this loss, while accepting her choice and her freedom to make it. Continue to emotionally support her, while not supporting the group or cause.

Visit her. Don’t pressure her or force an ultimatum. Don’t dwell on the life and belief system she has rejected. Focus on your own acceptance, and make sure she knows you are always in her corner, no matter what.

Research the group she is in and see if you can connect with ex-members or family members of current members. Communicating with other parents will help.