Online solicitations require no reply

Dear Miss Manners: I am a male member of a popular online dating site.

When I read the profile of someone I’d like to meet, I write them a personalized letter pointing out some of our common interests, adding a bit of levity where I can, and suggesting that we meet for coffee and conversation.

These letters generally run from five to eight sentences. In other words, I’ve put some effort into it.

I rarely receive any response. Since we are both members of this group seeking the same goal — companionship — doesn’t social etiquette require some acknowledgment of receipt and a response?

Even if there is no interest on their part, what is so difficult in a response, something like “Thank you for your interest. While I enjoyed reading your profile, I do not see us as a couple. Best of luck in your search.”

I think it’s very rude to ignore someone’s personal communication to you.

Jane Austen would be aghast at the behavior of her gender in the 21st century!

Gentle Reader: Do you think so?

Perhaps you could be confusing her with Lady Catherine de Bourgh, one who allows no room for context when she issues directives?

The Miss Austen that Miss Manners knows is uncannily alert to the many subtleties in any given social situation.

She gave ample evidence of being familiar with the tendency of eligible ladies to put themselves forward, as well as that of eligible gentlemen to examine the field.

Still, there is a significant difference between an Assembly at Bath and a flier that is advertising goods to the general public.

Online solicitations, however, where no response need be made if there is no interest, are equivalent to the latter.

Although your tactful wording could serve as a model for rejecting an acquaintance, there is really no charming way, other than silence, to express, “I can’t imagine that it would be worth my while to meet you.”