Family friend ruins honeymoon

Dear Amy: I got married last year. I saved and paid for the wedding myself. My husband and I decided not to have a honeymoon. We are both homebodies, so we were perfectly content to spend our wedding night at home together.

A few weeks before the wedding, “Cheryl,” a longtime family friend said that, as a wedding gift, she would be paying for us to spend our wedding night in a hotel.

I politely declined and told her our plan to enjoy our first night as a married couple at home. After that, Cheryl became more forceful and said that we would be spending our wedding night in a hotel of her choosing.

I spent weeks trying to talk her out of it. I even told her we were making other plans to go out of town (we weren’t) but nothing stopped her.

After some more time, my mother came forward and told me I was being very rude and that I should graciously accept the gift that Cheryl wanted to give me.

Since I felt like the whole world was against me at that point, I broke down and allowed Cheryl to plan our honeymoon. She did, and we spent our wedding night in a small hotel in a town I did not recognize (Cheryl told me she searched the area to locate the least expensive option).

I hated the whole experience and spent the night wishing I was at home, or at least somewhere my husband and I chose ourselves. I know there is nothing I can do about this now, but I just want advice on how to get over this. I will never get my honeymoon back. — Heartsick

Dear Heartsick: The way you describe “Cheryl,” she sounds like a bully of the first order.

And you are a pushover. Obviously, you tried to stop the Cheryl-train as it raced toward you, but at the end of the day, you still made a choice not only to agree to her plan, but to actually do what she told you to do.

Wouldn’t it have been fun to pull up to this hotel, look at your new husband, and decide spontaneously to flee in the night, right back to your own home?

You and your husband could reframe this on the night of your anniversary by creating a tradition that will be deeply symbolic and enjoyable for you both.