Etiquette evolves over time

Dear Miss Manners: In one of your responses, you refer to “unauthorized people who make up their own etiquette rules.”

As with spelling, grammar and a host of other culture-related items, is not etiquette always dynamic, changing over time?

Whom do you believe is “authorized?”

Gentle Reader: You are addressing her.

It is exactly because etiquette evolves that Miss Manners has to act as the impartial judge of which are legitimate changes and which are not. From long experience, she knows that a declaration that something is “no longer expected” — typically answering invitations or writing thanks — simply represents a refusal to comply with the legitimate expectations of others.

Someone has to speak up for those who are expected to be generous and hospitable — but without acknowledgment or even simple cooperation.

It’s a tough job, and Miss Manners would welcome legitimate help.

Dear Miss Manners: My vintage home is currently for sale. I’ve done a lot of restoration work on it, but some remains.

This morning I heard voices in front and thought it might be potential buyers. I happened to be in the attic, so I went to a window to observe.

What I saw was a couple with a dog that had just urinated in my front yard. The woman then handed the leash to the man, and proceeded to strip a handful of berries from one of my shrubs.

I tapped on the window. The woman looked up, said “Hi,” and then made some grumbling remarks about not being able to take the berries, tossing in an insulting remark about the condition of my home as she walked off.

Am I wrong for being a bit upset about this? I did not yell, threaten or make gestures. Just two taps on the window. If she thinks my home looks bad now, imagine the condition if everyone did what they did.

Gentle Reader: Upset? Miss Manners would think you would be overjoyed at the prospect of moving out of the neighborhood.