Rude response rarely works

Dear Miss Manners: The customer ahead of me still had groceries to be rung up, so I waited until her order was clear before placing my items on the conveyor belt. When the cashier rang up my items, a woman behind me pushed my cart against me to get her items on the belt. Finally, I said: “Stop pushing the cart against me. You’re old enough to know basic courtesy.”

She didn’t reply, but the assault stopped. In the same situation, how would Miss Manners have reacted?

Gentle Reader: Your success does not deter Miss Manners from deploring the way you achieved it. If she were not terminally polite, she would say to you, “Stop pushing people around. You’re old enough to know basic courtesy.”

But she would never do so. Responding with rudeness only doubles the amount of rudeness being practiced. Also, it rarely works, which is why Miss Manners is surprised that you were not then rammed by the cart. It shows that your attacker had a sense of decorum, and suggests her offense was inadvertent.

At any rate, you should have treated it as such. “Excuse me, but your cart is pushing me,” would have allowed even a deliberately rude person to retreat without further rudeness.

Dear Miss Manners: I had a destination wedding last year. We received various gifts from people who were invited (some who came and some who did not), and promptly sent out our thank-yous. Recently, my in-laws threw us a “congratulations on your wedding” party with family and friends from the area, some of whom already sent us gifts for our wedding.

Should I send thankyous to everyone who attended the party, even the ones who didn’t bring a gift because they previously sent us one for the wedding itself ?

Gentle Reader: The novelty of being able to tell a bride that she should write fewer letters of thanks has Miss Manners feeling giddy.

Hosts do not need to thank their guests; a cheery “We’re delighted that you came” at the door is quite sufficient.