Complaining is ungraciously rude

Dear Amy: My cousin recently invited us (a family of four) to her son’s wedding. We were disappointed that we were seated all the way to the back, near the door, by the exit of the reception hall.

We also noted that there were quite a few tables located in the middle which had only two or three people at them, presumably due to lastminute no-shows.

I was going to let it go, thinking it was probably the bride’s family that arranged the seating. However, my cousin’s daughter is getting married next year and my husband asked me if I could request that we be seated somewhere in the middle.

At the son’s wedding, should we have asked to be moved to the empty seats? For the daughter’s wedding, should I ask her early on to seat us in the middle?

To be honest, I admit I am tempted to text my cousin about it, but I don’t know if I should even mention this at all. — Stuck at the Back

Dear Stuck: Do you realize the investment the wedding hosts made in including your family of four in this wedding?

Depending on the type of reception, your presence could possibly have cost the hosting family upwards of $1,000.

Of course, this isn’t about the money. But then, being a guest at a wedding and reception should not be about where you find yourself seated during the meal.

It is extremely ungracious to complain — or even mention — your seating after the fact.

Other than asking if it would be possible to be seated at the same table with other friends or family members, it is also rude to ask for specific seating before the fact.

If you noticed seating gaps in more desirable tables during the reception, you might have asked the host, “Would you like us to fill in that middle table for you?”

But even then, grabbing your plates and abruptly decamping for a “better table” is rude to your fellow table-mates, who possibly also felt socially slighted — not because they were seated near the exit, but because they were stuck sharing a table with such an unhappy bunch of complainers.