Humor can deflect nosy questions

Dear Miss Manners: We have a large family with five children, in an area where zero to two children is considered normal. Often when we’re in a social setting and have just introduced ourselves, people will ask whether we are done having children.

To me, that’s really none of their business. I don’t ask about their reproductive health. What would be a good reply?

Gentle Reader: “Well, for today, yes.”

Dear Miss Manners: A year ago, two lovely girls were killed in a car accident in our neighborhood. This was of course very sad, and people brought flowers, balloons and such to the site of the accident.

But now, a year later, the families are still bringing stuff to the site, and one family is planning to erect a permanent marker there. This seems to me like overkill. It seems like the gravesites would be the right places to bring remembrances. Or am I unfeeling? I’m sure Miss Manners will let me know.

Gentle Reader: Yes, but she would share your reluctance to let the bereaved families know. Contrary to the popular belief in “closure,” there is no time limit on such grief.

Why commemoration should take the form of balloons, Miss Manners has never quite understood. But again — if it brings comfort, she will not complain. However, endless focus on the site of the accident strikes her as an unfortunate way to memorialize two lovely young girls. Surely there is more to remember about them than the tragedy of their deaths.

Dear Miss Manners: I was not invited to my niece’s birthday party. No invitation was sent to myself or my husband because of problems within the family.

Were we wrong for not going to the party that we were not formally invited to? We did not want to show up uninvited and have more problems at my poor little niece’s party. If we were invited we WOULD have gone.

Gentle Reader: Will you be surprised to hear that Miss Manners does not consider it wrong to refrain from crashing a party to which you were not invited?