Generosity can be a ‘heavy lift’ for some

Dear Amy: I am the oldest (age 62) of seven children, and I have been financially fortunate. I would like to share my good fortune with my siblings by giving them each an amount of money, but I don’t know how to go about it. It seems kind of crass to just hand each of them a check.

A couple of my siblings really need the money and the rest do not, but I want to give them all an equal amount.

How can I do it in a fun way without looking like I’m giving alms to the poor? — Lucky Sibling

Dear Lucky: It might help you to wrestle with this awesome dilemma if you think of your plan as “sharing” versus “giving.”

Check with a financial adviser, and implement the plan with your (and your recipients’) tax implications in mind. According to the IRS (irs.gov), in 2017, the limit for tax-exempt gifts to individuals is $14,000 — meaning that your siblings can receive a generous cash gift of up to that amount without having to pay taxes on it.

No, I don’t think you should hand each of your siblings a check. You should keep this simple. Send each of them a note and a check on the same day by secure means.

Write something to the effect of: “I’ve been very lucky, and feel that part of my good luck is to have you as a sibling. I’ve reached a phase in my life where I am happy to share my good fortune with those who mean a lot to me. Please accept this gift. I hope you use it in a way makes you happy.”

Understand that some people are uncomfortable receiving gifts that they can never reciprocate. Some of your siblings may have an unexpected reaction or you might not get the thanks you deserve.

This is the heavy lift of generosity: When you give, you have to also let go. In this case, letting go translates into not only letting go of your assets, but also any expectation attached to your generosity.