Politely interrupt, apologize, exit

Dear Miss Manners: On three occasions in the past month, my husband and I have encountered elderly gentlemen eager to share their life experiences. Two of these were volunteers at historical sites, and one a neighbor.

In each instance, it quickly became apparent that the person was so interested in sharing his experiences that our interaction was not so much a conversation as it was a monologue. Each seemed oblivious to the fact that we might have other needs to attend to after awhile, such as (literally) having a plane to catch.

Even after several attempts to jump in with a comment of “Goodness, look at the time!” it seemed impossible to get away. After 30 minutes, I find myself at a loss as how else to respond without being rude.

Gentle Reader: Being on the elderly side herself, Miss Manners will try to keep her answer brief.

If reasonable attempts to interrupt politely do not work, that sudden gasp at the passage of time, with a flurry of apologies, might.

Dear Miss Manners: My youngest son and I have our birthdays at the end of the summer, two weeks apart. My mom and I are very close and have a good relationship.

Last year on my birthday, she booked and attended an event for the entire day without checking with me. I was really hurt, and she was unapologetic. This year, for my son’s birthday, she will be gone the entire weekend and will miss his birthday.

Am I wrong in expecting her to reserve these days for family, or to expect her to check with us before making other plans?

Gentle Reader: At a certain age (yours), it should no longer be expected that everyone in one’s family and life will stop everything every year to celebrate every single birthday. If it were, Miss Manners feels certain that families, particularly large ones, would do little else.

If you have specific plans to celebrate, then alert your mother well in advance — and preempt her likely assumption that if she was not invited to a specific event — her life is hers to schedule as she wishes.