One per customer, an unwritten rule

Dear Miss Manners: My husband and I disagree regarding the cookies our bank offers to patrons in the lobby.

I say the cookies are to be enjoyed by patrons while they are there, and I object to my husband’s practice of coming home with four to six each time he visits the bank.

Gentle Reader: Cookie plates are meant to be shared, which means that a one-per-customer rule should be observed, even if not posted.

Miss Manners has observed that banks frown on customers who fill their pockets with whatever happens to be lying around just because it is not currently under lock and key.

Dear Miss Manners: When our nephew celebrated his 10th birthday, my sister-in-law notified my mother-in-law of the date and time of the party about three days prior, and she passed the information on to us.

Neither my husband’s older brother nor his wife directly invited us and, feeling it was rude to assume an invitation, we did not attend. Unfortunately, it’s clear that we’ve upset them. In the past, when we’ve assumed we were invited to events, based on a word-of-mouth invite through his parents, it was made clear — through comments made about not having enough food for everyone — that we weren’t actually invited. There have also been birthday parties that were strictly meant for our nephew and his friends where we did not receive an invitation.

My husband tried to explain our reasoning, but it doesn’t seem to have cleared up the hard feelings. Should we have gone anyway?

Gentle Reader: Miss Manners reminds you that, contrary to popular belief, family requires more effort, not less. Therefore, put aside your annoyance and clear up the confusion.

Tell your sister-in-law that you are extremely sorry to have missed your nephew’s party and you would appreciate her help in ensuring it does not happen again.

Tell her that if she could relay invitations directly — rather than going through your mother-in-law — you would be immensely grateful.