Say: ‘Dude, no means no!’

Dear Amy: I am a 58-year-old woman, divorced with three grown kids.

I live on a small farm by myself out in the country.

I am independent. I don’t feel the need to go out all the time.

I have a male friend who I have known for 40 years. He and I dated when I was 20. We were sexually intimate.

He calls me frequently. The problem is I no longer feel ANY sort of physical attraction toward him, but he is still very attracted to me.

We have a great time talking at dinner or watching a movie, but then he wants to become physical, and I demur each time.

I have even told him I am no longer interested in sex at all, but he just ignores it and says things like, “Once we start, I know you’ll enjoy it.”

I have (so far) been able to hold my ground but it is getting harder because of the pressure he exerts to be physical. I truly enjoy his company, so I hate to just start saying no to all his invitations.

I don’t want to hurt his feelings either, by saying that I don’t find him physically attractive. I need a good line for next time to let him know I enjoy his friendship but only in a strictly platonic way! — No Sex in the Country

Dear No Sex: How’s this: “Dude. Stop. No means no. Do you get that?”

You have already offered all sorts of explanations to guard his ego. You do not owe him any further explanation about anything. If he can’t handle being platonic and strictly nonsexual friends with you, then you shouldn’t spend time with him.

Dear Amy: “Horrified” taught an adult education class. One of the students insulted another. You suggested that the teacher confront the perpetrator privately. Amy, no! The teacher should contact the school’s dean or administration, and turn this over to them. — Fellow Teacher

Dear Teacher: I’ve heard from many teachers who suggest a variety of responses across the board. Mainly, this is a teachable moment, and the teacher should definitely deal with it.