Decline invitation; no need to explain

Dear Miss Manners: I hired a tradesperson to do some odd jobs. While discussing the bill, he said “You can either pay me, or take me to dinner.” I was so shocked, I immediately changed the subject.

I felt his behavior was inappropriate and unprofessional. I am an asexual woman with no interest in romantic relationships. Could you please equip me with a phrase I could use in the future, and advise me how I could have handled the situation better?

Gentle Reader: While Miss Manners finds her interest piqued, she assures you that explaining is unnecessary in declining unwanted invitations.

You may simply say “Thank you, but I am afraid that is out of the question.” That you do not date, and why, will only invite more unwanted attention.

However, there is a significant difference between declining an invitation in a social situation than in a professional one. In the latter, you may be dependent on the person’s work, or otherwise required to have another encounter. In that case, you may say, “I am sure that your boss (or union, etc.) would not want to collect their fees in dinner. Let us keep this relationship professional” — doing your best not to make it sound like a threat.

Dear Miss Manners: How do I politely tell my neighbor that I have already called AAA and don’t need to hand her my car keys and pop the hood? She refuses to take no for an answer.

Gentle Reader: “Thank you, but I don’t want you to get dirty. My car is filthy today.” Say this while holding on tightly to your keys.

Dear Miss Manners: What would be the proper way to change your wedding plans after a “save the date” has been sent out?

We want to have a small, private ceremony with immediate family. Our “save the date” went out to 140 people. How should we let them know of our change of plans?

Gentle Reader: There is no proper form to say, “We don't want you at our wedding after all.”

Follow your private ceremony with a reception for all whom you have asked to expect to be invited.