Couple on different wavelengths

Dear Amy: For years, my husband has been controlling our radio and television programming. If I choose a radio station, he tells me the music is garbage, and he’ll tune it to his station. Until now, I’ve never felt it was worth arguing over.

Yesterday he was out of the house, and I was listening to a station that my daughters and I enjoy. When my husband came home, my daughter expressed her concern that the station was “not one of daddy’s.” She didn’t want to confront him and went upstairs.

Sure enough, he came in, realized that it was not one of his stations, said the music was garbage and turned it off, despite my objections.

He does the same thing with the TV. His inflexibility and dominating behavior are obvious to me in other situations that are more important (such as the extreme lack of organization in the house and his unwillingness to look for a job).

He is a stay-at-home dad. This was great while the kids were little, but due to instability in my profession, this is now causing concern. — Unable to Change Course

Dear Unable: You have wrapped many complaints about your husband into one bundle. From your account, he is intimidating and domineering — so intimidating that he has trained your daughter to believe that he literally owns the airwaves.

Imagine the impact of his behavior on your girls’ impression of how men do/should behave.

This is not about a clash of media taste — though I believe that whoever occupies a room first (or is making dinner) gets to choose the playlist (truly tasteless or degrading music and commentary are not for public consumption and — like the Supreme Court — the adults declare that we know where the line is when we hear it).

I agree that he needs to change in many ways for you to have a happier, peaceful, orderly household. You should mediate some of these issues in couples counseling. Failing that, if you are unwilling to leave the marriage, pursue counseling to learn how to stay. — February 2013