Wedding evokes family fears

Dear Amy: My daughter is getting married in a month and I am AFRAID of my ex-husband. We were married 32 years. He was abusive on several levels: sexual, financial, verbal and physical. He’s capable of violence, and is a gun owner.

Prior to the finalization of the divorce, he loosened the gas line to the oven. Luckily, after several weeks of smelling gas, I called the gas company. They verified that the line was loosened.

My daughter emailed him the wedding information since he would not give his address. He would not give a commitment to attend.

During the years we were together, he found a way to ruin every birthday party, graduation and holiday, either through violence, staging a pretend suicide attempt or leaving us wondering if he was going to show up — and in what state.

My mind races. Will he do something to my home while we are out of town for the wedding? Will he show up and present a negative aura?

I need words of wisdom. I am truly anxious over his potential presence. As a Christian, I am praying over the situation, but it still does not seem to be enough to ease my anxiety. As an outsider please give me some advice. — Joyful and Afraid

Dear Joyful and Afraid: This man has a history of violence toward you. He refused to provide his mailing address, so why is he being included in this family celebration?

It is reasonable to decline to invite anyone who poses a physical threat to you or others, regardless of his biological relationship to the bride.

Consider getting a lowcost camera trained on your home while you’re away. Ask a trusted neighbor to keep an eye on your house. Don’t advertise your plans on social media.

Given what you say, your daughter should rescind this invitation. If she doesn’t want to do so, or if you fear he will show up anyway, you and she should consider hiring a security person for the wedding and reception to keep an eye on him and any other unruly or drunken guests.