When to alert male friends to sexism

Dear Amy: I am lucky enough to have found a group of people who share the same deep love and support for an international sports team. We meet up to watch the games, but we also enjoy each other’s company and see each other outside of match day.

We’ve established a group text that covers a range of topics. The makeup of the group is predominantly male. Occasionally, some casually misogynist language — one might call it “locker room talk” — will slip into a conversation.

I’ve spoken with other women in the group, and everyone’s pretty uncomfortable with how these occurrences derail the conversation of an otherwise great space. None of the men involved ever speaks to the women in the group in remotely similar fashion face-to-face.

We don’t want to be harpies; we just don’t want to be reminded that the majority of people — still see our presence in a group as the exception to the rule. Do you have any advice on how to address these momentary lapses in conversation judgment without making too many waves? — Not Just One-of-the-Guys

Dear Not Just: You have two options here. For option one I would like to paraphrase therapistturned-Oscar-nominatedwriter Emily V. Gordon: In a 2014 article written for The Toast, she stated that the word “inappropriate” is almost magic.

In her experience, when she told someone that their behavior was inappropriate, the behavior would stop. This worked on the young and the old, in public and in private.

I can speak from experience here. She’s right.

The next time you see this type of behavior, go for something simple and direct. Getting a text that says “guys, that language is inappropriate” will correct this mortifying lapse in judgment, and having it in the text chain will serve as a reminder of what this group text is for.

If Gordon’s method doesn’t work, then it’s time for option two: The Battering-Ram. Call out this behavior for the sexism that it is. This is not being a “harpy,” but offering an honest reaction to friends.