Sun Sentinel Palm Beach Edition
‘Unfriending’ etiquette
Dear Miss Manners: My boyfriend’s friend and I have been social media friends for years. He recently got engaged, so I wanted to message him about getting together with him and his new fiancee.
I discovered he had deleted me as a friend. I am quite hurt. I really liked my boyfriend’s friend, and I am not sure what happened. Should I leave things as they are or have my boyfriend ask?
Gentle Reader: The etiquette around “unfriending” is still evolving, a process impeded both by the nomenclature and the indirectness of the interaction.
It can mean anything from a deliberate slap across the face to an inattentive address book edit. On some platforms, it may not even be a deliberate act, but one initiated by a computer doing its own spring cleaning. In cases where intent is unclear, etiquette, as a rule, adopts the least insulting interpretation possible — a reasonable approach. Miss Manners therefore sees nothing wrong with expressing your good wishes and invitation through other means, be it a handwritten note or a willing boyfriend.
Dear Miss Manners: I am the office manager at a small company, and usually when an employee has a close loved one pass away, my boss has me order flowers for the funeral home. However, this year, my grandma and my mother-in-law passed away and my boss told me, both times, to send flowers to the funeral home. Is that appropriate? I didn’t do it either time (he didn’t notice) because I feel like it would be sending condolences to myself and he should have sent the flowers himself.
Gentle Reader: Prior to the deaths in your own family, Miss Manners finds nothing wrong with your boss staffing out the flower assignments. His condolences were being sent on behalf of the company, rather than in a personal capacity, and are therefore a legitimate staff activity.
She agrees, however, that this does not extend as far as asking you to, as you say, buy flowers for yourself. He could have approached a different staff member with the task, but the gracious thing would have been to do it himself.