Expectant parents worry about smoke

Dear Amy: My wife and I are expecting our first child. Thankfully, both sets of our parents are active in our lives and will be there for our child. However, my mother is a smoker and I am concerned for our child’s health.

While she would never smoke around the baby, there is growing concern about the safety of “third-hand smoke” — a child inhaling toxins from the home, clothing or car of a smoker.

Realistically, I do not believe my mother will stop smoking in her lifetime. Cutting her off from the baby would be cruel and ruinous for our relationship. However, concern for my son makes me nervous about allowing her to babysit.

What should I do? — Worried Dad

Dear Dad: According to the Mayo Clinic’s website, (mayoclinic.org), “Thirdhand smoke clings to clothes, furniture, drapes, walls, bedding, carpets, dust, vehicles and other surfaces long after smoking has stopped. Children and nonsmoking adults might be at risk of tobacco-related health problems when they inhale, swallow or touch substances containing third-hand smoke. Infants and young children might have increased exposure to third-hand smoke due to their tendency to mouth objects and touch affected surfaces.”

You are wise to accept that this is simply a fact, and you are powerless to force her to stop smoking.

Share this information with your mother, and be honest with her about your concerns. Don’t present this as a nonnegotiable, but more as a problem that you can mitigate together.

She should be willing to change her smoking habits (i.e. always smoke outside), and to have the interior of her house thoroughly cleaned. She should wear a jacket or shirt over her clothes when she smokes (and perhaps cotton gloves), and remove it before she comes inside. Babysitting should happen in your home, until she is able to thoroughly detox her own. Trust her to do the right thing, and don’t limit her contact with your baby. Babies have a wonderful way of bringing their grandparents toward new levels of awareness, love and sacrifice.