Upcoming wedding unveils family feud

Dear Amy: My fiancé and I are currently planning our wedding. Unfortunately, my fiancé’s mother and one of his brothers had an argument a year ago, and have not spoken since.

My soon-to-be mother-inlaw attempted to call her son and his wife, but they have said they will not re-establish contact until she issues a very specific sort of apology.

Though she has apologized, it was not in the way he wanted, so the stalemate stands. He has not offered any kind of apology himself.

I had hoped that my fiancé’s brother would put aside his anger for a day and come to our wedding.

However, he has said that he will not, unless his mother issues the sort of apology he requested. I’m outraged on my fiancé’s behalf, but I don’t know how involved I should get. I have a good relationship with my fiancé’s mother, and I’ve met his brother and his family.

My fiancé and I discussed how to help resolve this, but there did not seem to be a good solution. I am just wondering if I should intervene more directly, and if so, how. — Discouraged

Dear Discouraged: Send a wedding invitation to your fiance’s brother and his family. Do not call, write, enlist others to advocate, cajole or beg them to attend. If they choose not to attend, your fiancé should express his profound disappointment to his brother.

Do not pressure your future mother-in-law to give in to bullying behavior, but do encourage her to resolve it in whatever way will cause her the least stress.

This man’s dispute with his mother is ultimately theirs to handle. Do your best to maintain a neutral attitude toward all parties.

Temporary rifts can become long-standing estrangements that split families apart, and that is truly tragic.