Mom bullies adult son over his weight

Dear Amy: I’m 47, gay and single. I’ve spent the last eight years living away from my family of origin.

I recently moved back to my home state, about two hours away from my family. My widowed mother is 77. We don’t have the best relationship because she refuses to recognize boundaries.

The biggest issue is my weight. I’m overweight, and I know it. Every time I see her she tells me how fat I am, and that I shouldn’t be eating the dessert she made, even though I’ve asked her many times not to comment on my weight.

She’s planning on visiting me soon, and I know the first thing she’ll say to me is how fat I am and how she’s just concerned about my health.

I get it. I know I’m fat, but I’m just tired of hearing it from her. I’ve told her many times I don’t appreciate this.

I get the feeling that she doesn’t really care about my health; she’s just embarrassed to be seen with me.

If she talks about it when she visits, my inclination is to say, “I’m done” and walk away. Then she’ll blame me for abandoning her. But I’m done with the insults. I can’t put up with her abuse anymore. Any advice? — Not So Fat

Dear Not So Fat: It’s challenging to declare, “I’m done” and then walk away — when the person you’re walking away from is visiting your home. Rethink this reaction during your mother’s visit, but definitely put the possibility of walking away into your reaction basket for another time.

If your mother starts criticizing your body, make eye contact and say, “Mother, no. This is not open for discussion. I won’t talk about your body and you won’t talk about mine. Do you understand?”

After that, if you find it so intolerable, you can commence your plan to walk away. I hope you two figure out how to communicate differently.