Husband blames ‘fiction’ on workshop

Dear Amy: I am a 50year-old woman. My husband and I have two sons.

I recently found out that my husband has been exchanging texts with another married woman who he met in a writing workshop.

My husband told me that the woman confided in him about her marriage problems and their terrible sex life. She also told my husband that she was having an affair with another man.

Her statements seemed fishy to me. Why would a woman confide in a married man about her marriage problems, her affair and her sex life? My husband said he was not interested in her, but he encouraged her to share her personal problems.

I was hurt but he kept insisting that nothing was going on between them. He said he was just using her stories as fodder for his upcoming novel. Is that a justified reason? What should I do? — Worried Wife

Dear Worried: I agree that its substance raises red flags. It is inappropriate for people who are in a committed relationship to complain to a new acquaintance about their marriage and sex life.

At the very least, this level of instant intimacy indicates that she is indiscreet and doesn’t respect boundaries. At the most, it signals that she is available and interested.

Your husband also has a problem with boundaries. He should not develop an intimate friendship with another woman. This intimacy interferes with his relationship with you.

He should not exploit this person for the purpose of “writing his novel.” First of all, it is an old, tired and disingenuous excuse for his behavior. (I’m not buying it.) Only rank amateurs — or scoundrels with gullible spouses — ply this particular fiction. Writers are story-thieves, but it is deeply unethical to use someone else’s life experience for your own novel without permission.