Roommate seems stuck in college

Dear Amy: I’m a man in my late-20s, living in New York City with a friend, who is the same age. We’ve been roommates for a couple of years. We knew each other previously from college.

My roommate, “Charles,” was seeing a woman until about three weeks ago, when she broke things off. Despite this being a fairly brief relationship, Charles took it very hard and started drinking very heavily.

It feels like he’s going through phases more typical of a college student, but his behavior now is amplified by his ability to afford liquor.

It’s at the point where he starts drinking in the morning, and brings a bottle with him when we hang out in public. Needless to say, it’s embarrassing and probably illegal.

How do I help him avoid hitting rock bottom? — Worried Roomie

Dear Worried: If your roommate brings an open bottle with him and drinks in public places (outside of licensed businesses), then he is breaking the law. New York City has an “open container” law, making this illegal. Bringing this up is a way in to talking to him about his drinking.

If he violates this law, “Charles” could face a serious fine, and/or be escorted to jail.

If you don’t want to spend time out with him when he’s drinking or drunk, you should say so. If he denies that he is drunk, or is forgetting his drunken behavior, you might consider shooting video of him when he is drunk and sharing it with him when he is sober.

Please keep in mind that his drinking is not your problem to solve. Protecting him from his own rock bottom is a nice and generous thought, but you can’t do it for him.

Tell him you care about him, that you are worried about him and that his drinking is affecting your relationship. Urge him to face this, and to get help if he needs it.