Abused siblings want to speak out

Dear Amy: My siblings recently disclosed that our mother subjected them to sexual, mental and physical abuse.

As a child, I was subjected to physical and mental abuse at her hand, but I had always assumed that I was the sole focus of my mother’s ire. I moved out of the house the day after high school graduation. I no longer have any contact with her.

One of my siblings has informed me that after I left home, my mother turned her abuse toward my siblings.

My mother knew about and condoned this. No one ever went to the police.

Hearing that my mother’s behavior escalated after I left causes me great guilt.

One of my sisters has come to me for help with recovering from the trauma of her childhood. I’ve thought about talking with the police. However, the assaults were over 30 years ago, and the statute of limitations has long passed.

Our mother is 78. Confronting her will likely achieve nothing.

What should I do?

— Guilty

Dear Guilty:

First, you should create a safe and open space where your siblings can tell their stories, if they want to. Tell them you believe them, and emotionally hold them close. Your own experience might make this sort of intimacy challenging, but now is the time to be the best and most loving version of yourself.

If a sister wants to go to the police, go with her, regardless of the statute of limitations.

And yes — confront your mother. If being in her presence would traumatize you, then write her a letter, as individuals or as a group.

RAINN.org offers a 24-hour telephone hotline (800-656-4673), with an online chat option. Contact a RAINN counselor for advice and local services.