Young dad wants more from his mom

Dear Amy: My sister and I both have young children (I have three kids, age 7 and younger, she has two under age four).

My sister relies heavily on my Mom for child care throughout various times of the year. As such, my parents spend 90 percent more time with her kids than with ours.

My wife and I would like our kids to get more quality time with their grandparents (and we could also use the extra support).

How do we find more balance, while respecting the needs of my sister, and without burning out my parents?

Thank you for your insights. — Brother/Dad

Dear Brother/Dad:

It sounds as if you are less interested in balance, and more interested in how to get your mother to do more for you, specifically.

Your mother already provides child care for two very young children. You would like to add on some child care for your three very young children. That’s a lot of child care for a lot of children. Hasn’t your mother already raised children? Does she want to do this?

You don’t note the circumstances behind these needs. Is your sister a single mom?

Is your mother providing full-time care, or is she stepping in on Saturdays? And what are your true needs (versus those fueled by your sibling rivalry)?

If you want your folks to spend more quality time with your kids, then invite them to spend time with your family — not only to babysit for the children, but to do things with all of you.

“Quality time” is family time — playing games together, going to puppet shows, plays, movies and concerts, and occasionally siting on the couch with a cocktail or a cup of coffee, enjoying the children while someone else takes primary care of them.