Grandmother shuns adopted child

Dear Readers: I’ve stepped away from the Ask Amy column for two weeks to work on a new writing project. I hope you enjoy these edited “best of ” columns in my absence. All of these questions and answers were first published 10 years ago. Today’s topic is: Petty is as petty does.

Dear Amy: I had a child before I met my husband. When we got married, my husband adopted my daughter, who was a year old at the time. We then had three more children together. Now they’re all grown and have children of their own.

My mother-in-law wants to have a “generation picture” done. She plans to include only the children my husband and I have biologically together.

Is it rude of his mother to ask for pictures with our other children and to exclude her?

If my mother-in-law won’t include our daughter in the shot, I feel no pictures should be taken. — Confused and Hurt

Dear Confused: Your mother-in-law’s distinction between biological and adopted children is offensive. Adoptive parents are “real” parents in every way.

It is somewhat surprising that all of your children are now adults and yet your mother-in-law persists in differentiating among them.

You and your husband should have set her straight on this many years ago.

If you didn’t, or if she has forgotten what makes a family, now is the perfect time to educate her on the subject. I completely agree with your conditions regarding this family photo. (April, 2009)

Dear Readers: Are you curious about my background and life outside of the confines of this space? Read my two memoirs: “The Mighty Queens of Freeville” and “Strangers Tend to Tell Me Things,” available wherever books are sold or borrowed.