Partners ponder angles on infidelity

Dear Readers: I’ve stepped away from the Ask Amy column for two weeks to work on a new writing project. I hope you enjoy these edited “best of ” columns in my absence. All of these questions and answers were first published 10 years ago. Today’s theme is: unhappy partners.

Dear Amy: Several years ago, I had a one-night stand with a married woman. I later learned that she had a child. DNA testing proved the child is mine.

I feel horrible knowing that there is a daughter out there who is mine, but loves another man who is not her biological father. The mother has decided she wants to clear the air now, six years later. Where do we go from here? — Desperate

Dear Desperate: Where you go from here is straight to the truth. You will feel better when you are no longer living a lie. You should tackle this one step at a time, and it would be best to do so with some mentoring and support.

You would benefit greatly from seeing a counselor who could offer emotional support and professional advice. Your child is still young. It is not too late to establish a relationship with her. You also have legal and financial issues to consider. You need to tell the truth for your daughter’s sake — and for your own. (May, 2009)

Dear Amy: My husband has a female friend that he just can’t seem to part ways with. They talk on the phone and send text messages.

He says if I keep the house clean, he will stop seeing her. — Upset Wife

Dear Upset: His offer of a deal means that he knows what he is doing is wrong, and he is using this as leverage. Explain to your husband that his behavior is disrespectful. Prepare to have a calm conversation with your husband that starts with the phrase, “Well, now that you’ve gotten my attention, let’s talk about our marriage.” (Sept., 2009)