Erotica turns into catfishing reality

Dear Amy: My problem started when I joined an erotic story site. I decided to write as a female (even though I’m a man).

I received a lot of racy emails from men and women. I thanked them for their comments. However, there was one writer who was very eloquent. He and I began to exchange emails daily. He’s a writer for a newspaper (vanishing breed). I enjoyed his writing, and he enjoyed reading my stories. As our friendship grew, we confided in one another. He wanted pictures, so I found photos of a lovely female and forwarded them to him.

Long story shorter, now he’s in love with me and wants to leave his wife. He wants to meet. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but obviously we can’t meet. I am thinking of “dying in a car wreck” to end this situation. Any better ideas? — LJ

Dear LJ: The “dying in a car wreck” storyline is one frequently used by catfishers, which is exactly what you are. Catfishing is the term used when people assume alternate identities online, for the purpose of manipulating others into relationships.

Here’s a plot twist: What if your correspondent is also catfishing you, and is not actually a “dying breed” newspaper writer (thanks for that, by the way), but a lonely, eloquent female nuclear scientist, pining away in a distant silo.

But let’s assume that he is exactly who he says he is. You have now manipulated and meddled in his life to the extent that he is now willing to toss out his marriage. And yet you are too cowardly to tell him the truth, cop to your deception and take complete responsibility for your actions, so that he can start to heal from this.

I understand that you don’t want to hurt this person, but your own actions are contemptible.

There is no way to make this right. So make it quick.